Back in the late ‘90s when I was a young Psychology student in Galway, the brain and nervous system were part of my studies but at that time, I didn’t truly understand how influential this would be for my work and the children I support. Honestly, it’s only over the last decade that it’s all really clicked into place for me.
I suppose it’s only when you have a need to understand and a context to put it to that it actually makes sense in the real world.
With a lot of progress in this area, we now have a much better understanding of the brain, how it develops and how it impacts our daily lives. I’m certainly not professing to be an expert in this area, but I think it’s really important to share some of the information I’ve learnt in the context of children’s social, emotional and behavioural development.
I’m aiming to share some points about brain development, talk about two areas within the brain, the link between the brain and the body and how that shows up in children’s emotional and behavioural responses and how we can practically support them (and ourselves).
1. Brain Essentials:
The brain is the control centre of the human body playing a major role in how we engage with everyday life from our thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviour.
Genetics do play a role in brain development but our interactions with others and experiences throughout childhood and adolescence have a huge role to play in how the brain matures and develops. Together they influence our thoughts, emotions and behavioural responses. Basically, make us who we are.
Brain development in children and young people progresses over time, with different areas maturing at different rates. Amazingly, we now know that the brain doesn’t reach full maturity until the mid to late 20s!.
Brain development thrives on consistent connection from a primary caregiver, physical and emotional safety, security, routine and predictability. However, this doesn’t mean that children need a fairytale upbringing. As much as we would like to protect children from challenge and failure, they actually need to experience these along with taking risks from early on so they can learn how to navigate the ups and downs of life. The key is our presence and support while they are learning how to cope with these challenges. This helps build a resilient brain.
I believe in sharing this information (in a more simplified way) with children too. Anything which gives children more understanding of themselves and the tools to help them manage their emotions and resulting behaviour is powerful.
During Relax Kids sessions we use animal names (Meerkat & Owl) to help children understand the role of different parts of the brain, along with puppets and visuals to give them something more concrete.
2. Amygdala (The Meerkat):
This is part of the limbic system and is located towards the base of the brain. It’s like our internal alarm or warning centre. It’s all about survival and protection and it’s where fight, flight and freeze are triggered, sending cortisol (stress hormone) and adrenaline (preparing the body to act) rushing through our bodies.
Think of the Meerkat on alert, always on the lookout for what’s happening around them, assessing danger or potential threats and always ready to take action.
This part of the brain is very reactive and impulsive and is very active during childhood and adolescence which can lead to big emotions and behaviours.
The amygdala also helps process uncomfortable emotions like fear and anger and anything which we experience or perceive as a threat. It can’t distinguish between a real or perceived treat so will trigger fight, flight or freeze whether the child comes face to face with a dangerous animal or someone takes a toy from them.
It’s important to remember that we won’t always be able to see or understand what a child perceives as a threat e.g. things not going their way, losing a game, reading aloud in front of others, test/exams, learning something new, going to school, starting at a new club.
3. Pre-frontal Cortex (The Owl):
Located just behind the forehead. Think of the owl- wise, knowledgeable, measured and logical. This area develops much more slowly than other areas and doesn’t fully mature until early adulthood.
It helps us with complex tasks such as learning, self-control, decision making, thinking ahead, planning, organising, logical thinking and impulse control.
As both areas develop, children gradually gain better emotional and behavioural control and decision-making skills.
When the amygdala is fired up (the meerkat is on high alert), the pre-frontal cortex (the wise owl) is not available to the child/young person.
When they feel stress, fear and threat they are not able to think ahead or in a logical way, they won’t be able to process a lot of what you are saying to them and control what they say or do. This can often result in complete shutdown (freeze) running away/hiding (flight) or lashing out verbally and physically (fight).
This is not a choice made by a child, it’s a little brain on high alert and body in a dysregulated state i.e. unable to manage their emotions and behaviour right now
4. The brain, central nervous system and the vagus nerve (longest nerve in the body) are deeply interconnected, working together to regulate and maintain our body’s physical and emotional balance.
These areas work together like a team, constantly sending signals to keep our body balanced, help us respond to stress and regulate key functions like heart rate and breathing. Ultimately, influencing our response to situations i.e. our behaviour
5. How can we support children?
In the moments of stress and distress (when the amygdala is fired up and cortisol and adrenaline are flooding the body) we need to try and shift from using a lot of language, direction and reasoning to focus on keeping safe (if needed), our presence and connection and helping them to calm and regulate themselves again (when possible).
Calming the nervous system and activating the vagus nerve helps calm and soothe the body by releasing the feel good hormones and neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin into the body.
A number of activities have been shown to help with this including movement and exercise, breathing, singing, humming, yoga, deep pressure activities such as massage (simple hand or foot), meditation and more.
It can feel overwhelming knowing where to start so I usually put my focus into introducing just one or two things, whatever you are drawn to, or you feel comfortable starting with and think your child will engage in/enjoy. Tell them why we do these things i.e. to calm our minds and body so we can learn, think clearly etc. I like to tell them we need to train our meerkat to be calm at times.
A movement activity could simply be running on the spot, dancing to a favourite song, moving heavy items (also provides deep pressure), jumping jacks, bouncing, rocking or swinging.
When introducing breathing, children really benefit from having something to hold, look at or trace with their fingers. I like Finger, Feather, and Square/Box breathing for this reason. There are lots of short instructional videos online which you can also show your child. There are a variety of Apps available too if you prefer teaching them in this way.
Whatever activities you go with, they need to be modelled and practised when the child is in a calm and regulated state rather than in the midst of dysregulation.
Remember, their ability to learn, think ahead and process language is severely comprised when their amygdala is fired up. When they are calm and regulated again, then you can talk about what happened, how they felt and responded and what they could do the next time they feel like this.
With time and lots of practice, children will start to use these tools and techniques when they feel anger, fear, frustration, worry, anxiety and stress. This not only gives them important knowledge but empowers them overtime to understand how we can all control and influence our thoughts, emotions and behaviours.
Be kind to yourself
Nervous systems in close proximity feed off each other so when your child’s amygdala is fired up and their nervous system is dysregulated, yours will likely be too. In heightened moments, you need to be able to access your Wise Owl and keep your nervous system as regulated as you can. Easier said than done I know!
Try to include some of these activities into your daily life, do some with your child but some just for yourself, whatever works best for you.
Everything takes time, patience, consistency and lots and lots of reinforcement.